It has come to my attention that a small number of misguided citizen vigilantes in Houston, Texas; Rutherfordton, North Carolina; and New Bern, North Carolina have been cutting down and damaging Flock Safety license-plate-reading, AI-powered cameras recently installed on public streets throughout their communities without notice. Yesterday, ABC-13 Houston reported, “More Flock cameras cut down in Houston amid some privacy concerns.”

CLIP: New Bern seeks snitches to arrest Flock camera saboteurs (0:19).

I want to be very clear: this is illegal, dangerous, and wrong. These cameras are vital public safety infrastructure. They cost approximately $3,500 each. They are not watching you. Please. They are merely photographing your vehicle, capturing your license plate, recording the time and location of your travel, storing that information in a database accessible to law enforcement and who knows who else, and retaining it for up to 30 days, at which point it is automatically deleted, unless it isn’t.

But I can understand how there may be some confusion about what these cameras actually do. Captain Ryan Bailey of the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Office reassured everyone that “the camera itself is only capturing the vehicle traveling down the road.” That’s it. Just the vehicle. And the plate. And the time. And the location. And the direction of travel. And the make, model, and color. But definitely not the driver. Unless the driver is visible through the windshield, in which case, also the driver. But that’s it. Probably.

There are also safeguards. Deputies must enter a case number before searching the database. This means the government cannot look up where your car has been without first typing a number into a box, which, as anyone who has ever typed a number into a box knows, is an absolutely impenetrable barrier to abuse.

Folks, I am deeply troubled by this lawless wave of vigilante camera-toppling now spreading across the South like kudzu with a battery-operated hacksaw. In Houston alone, four cameras were cut down in recent days— two near Washington Avenue and Westcott, and two more near Memorial Park. The Houston Police Department has opened an investigation. The perpetrators remain at large, presumably driving vehicles that are no longer being tracked and videotaped.

In Rutherfordton, North Carolina, a vandalized Flock camera generated more than 20,000 comments on social media after police posted a photo of the damage. Some commenters called the vandals criminals. Others called them heroes.

Honestly, people. The comment “Not all heroes wear capes” received a frankly embarrassing number of likes, which tells you everything you need to know about the state of civic discourse in this country.

But the most alarming incident occurred in New Bern, North Carolina, where police are asking the general public to help identify two men who cut down a brand-new Flock camera that had just been installed. The public has responded with tremendous civic enthusiasm, submitting hundreds of tips identifying the suspects as “Batman and Robin” and “the Lone Ranger and Tonto.”

I do not find this funny. I find this very, very serious. Therefore, in the interest of public safety, I am issuing the following advisory:

OFFICIAL PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY

Issued by: Concerned Parties Who Definitely Are Not Watching You

DO NOT approach a Flock camera with any cutting implement, power tool, or vehicle of sufficient mass with a bumper guard. For example, do not purchase a Milwaukee M18 FUEL Cordless Angle Grinder, or a DeWalt Brushless Angle Grinder Tool, which cut through metal poles with alarming speed and run on batteries, so there is no cord to trace. We are not saying this because it would be effective. We are saying it because it would be illegal, of course.

DO NOT purchase a cordless reciprocating saw, which is a tool designed for cutting through wood, metal, and other materials quickly and quietly, which fits easily in a backpack, and is available for overnight delivery. This is not a recommendation. This is a warning.

DO NOT acquire a heavy-duty bolt cutter, which is capable of severing the mounting hardware on a Flock camera pole in a single motion and is available for under $30 with free Prime shipping. We mention the price only to illustrate how accessible this type of tool is, not because we think you should buy one. Unless you need it for your personal purposes.

DO NOT consider a telescoping pole saw, which can reach elevated mounting brackets from a safe distance without requiring a ladder. Lightweight, portable ladders, we should note, are also available on Amazon, but we are choosing not to link to those.

DO NOT imagine that, because these cameras are installed on public property, paid for with public funds, and pointed at the public, the public has any say in them whatsoever. That is not how public property works. Public property belongs to the government, which graciously allows you to use it, and in return the government gets to photograph you using it. This is called a social contract.

DO NOT consult the crowdsourced map at DeFlock.org, which shows the locations of thousands of Flock cameras across the country, because that information could theoretically be misused by someone who wanted to know exactly where to start cutting. We are not linking to it. We are simply mentioning that it exists and that it is very detailed and easy to navigate.

DO NOT operate at night, when camera visibility may be reduced and witnesses are fewer.

DO NOT submit false tips to law enforcement identifying suspects as fictional masked vigilantes, such as “Zorro,” “Captain Liberty,” or “Your Mama,” as this wastes valuable police resources and is also, frankly, hilarious. Which just makes it worse.

DO NOT discuss any of this on social media, where posts about damaged Flock cameras apparently go viral and generate 2.6 million views and 59,000 likes, because that kind of attention only encourages people.

DO remember that damaging these cameras is a crime, and that the costs of repair or replacement are covered by the department’s budget, which is to say, by you, the taxpayer, who is also being surreptitiously photographed without your permission by the camera you just paid for.

Flock Safety, in a statement to ABC13, officiously said, sorry, I mean officiallysaid: “Damaging public safety equipment is illegal and puts the community at risk, which is why we strongly condemn this type of miscreant behavior.”

Flock Corporation ironically noted that, despite their national surveillance network, they are unable to see “very few reports of vandalism,” which, given that four cameras were cut down in Houston in a single week and the New Bern incident got 2.6 million views, suggests that Flock Safety may be defining “very few” in an interesting and flexible way, sort of like how Democrats define “democracy.”

Maybe they are using the same math as the people who told us the cameras only store data for “around 30 days.”

Texas Southern University Professor Howard Henderson, founding director of the Center for Justice Research, offered a more measured assessment. “The community is just simply saying, since you won’t listen to me, since you have given me no way to voice my concern, we’ll just take it down and tear it up.”

Important note: Professor Henderson did not say this sympathetically. He said it analytically, as a credentialed expert. There is a difference. I want to be very clear about that. You are not an expert. But you can master a DeWalt Cordless, Brushless Angle Grinder with Kickback Brake after about ten minutes of practice in your garage. I mention this only to highlight the contrast in status.

In conclusion, please do not cut down Flock cameras. They are watching over you. For your safety. All of them. Everywhere. On a map where you can very easily find them online. If you must, please use manufacturer-approved safety eyewear.

That is all.

This advisory has been brought to you by Concerned Parties Who Are Definitely Not Watching You. We know where your car was on Tuesday.