You’ve seen all the articles, you can’t miss them; it’s just the hottest political issue in the country right now. As a side-effect of Biden’s mass illegal migration, the country is currently experiencing an infestation of house stealing, euphemistically called squatting.
In New York, swarms of border-jumping squatters are busily throwing housewarming parties, and gifting each other lightly-used lamps, assorted home decor, night tables, small items of furniture, toaster ovens, and various small appliances.
To Biden, the story is industrious, beetle-like, squatting migrants yearning to be free have solved the housing crisis! Now they are ‘productive’ county residents, industriously working on their campaign signs to run for local offices like sheriff and supervisor of elections.
Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. And your house-stealing squatters. Especially those ones.
But the truth is, just like with termites, if you don’t regularly inspect your property, one day you could suddenly find it completely infested. And squatters are even harder to get rid of than bedbugs. Meanwhile, entrepreneurial, problem-solving Americans are hanging shingles for their new squatter pest control businesses, like the “Squatter Squad.”
Bless the small businessmen! They are just like the guys who pry nests of raccoons out of the attic: Where is government? Our useless, diversity-promoted officials are singing songs to each other about fairness and equity, and basically doing nothing helpful to solve the squatting crisis. But hardworking, tax paying, law-abiding American citizens have been finding other ways to help each other and work around the deadweight politicians.
For instance, people have been uploading helpful “how to” videos to social media, like: “I Evict Airbnb Squatters Every Time with this Trick”, “He will squat with your squatters until they leave!”, or “Squatting on the Squatter.”
Personally, I’m working on my new Youtube video, “Three Weird Tricks for Controlling Squatting Pests.”
It would be more accurate to say that local officials are useless everywhere except Florida.
In Florida, our state officials are not useless. Yesterday Governor DeSantis signed HB621, an anti-squatting bill, which sailed through the Florida legislature unanimously. (Disclaimer: I may be a teeny bit biased, since I helped with drafting, and since it was originally filed by my terrific state senator Keith Perry). In his press conference yesterday, the Governor announced that Florida is “ending the squatter scam once and for all.”
CLIP: Governor DeSantis announces signing anti-squatting bill (1:58).
Florida’s new law, effective immediately, lets homeowners call the county sheriff for immediate squatter removal. It made squatting into a second-degree felony, along with intentionally damaging someone else’s home (more than $1,000 worth), and it’s now a first-degree felony to sell or lease someone else’s property. It made forging a fake lease into a first-degree misdemeanor, punishable by up to a year of jail. The bill also makes courts expedite any squatter-related civil proceedings, in case the sheriff can’t figure out who’s telling the truth or something.
The fact the anti-squatter bill passed unanimously revealed much about the country’s unhappy and increasingly implacable mood. I met with a local candidate this week who asked me if I thought the open border was a deliberate strategy cooked up by some secret cabal of our enemies. “Only if they are brain-damaged,” I answered.
If they are buying open-border votes, the political cost of this migrant invasion is already incalculably high and is just getting higher.
Blue state readers, while happy for Floridians, I’m sure, remain chagrined over their own poor prospects for fighting the squatting scourge. But take hope! WRE News ran a story late last week headlined, “Bill Introduced to Remove Squatter Rights in New York.” State Assemblyman Jake Blumencranz (R) filed a very simple bill re-defining the term “tenants” under New York law to specifically exclude “squatters.” That would let New York police act immediately against home invading squatters, who currently enjoy the vast protections of New York’s insanely generous tenant protection laws.
The simple way Assemblyman Blumencranz drafted his bill is pretty genius. It makes things very uncomplicated. New York democrats now must publicly choose whether or not house-stealing squatters are, indeed, “tenants” who deserve the same legal protections as people with valid leases.
If Florida is any indication, there may not be much argument. And if it can happen in New York, it can happen anywhere. Well. Maybe not California. Or Portland. Definitely not Portland.
As we sail on from the sordid squatter story, ask yourself this question: in 250 years of American history, why has squatting never before been this large a problem? Let me know what you think in the comments.
